But it is your house so you can draw some lines: She can't sleep over. He could be returned to his mother and if that is not possible, then perhaps you can gain custody or at least guardianship of him. He has began college on a full scholarship but lives at home. She sleeps with multiple men at a time and has advertised her "services" on Backpage and Erotic Monkey. Confronting them will not likely end well. There is a social hierarchy with a code of acceptance or rejection. Address: 20 - 22 Wenlock Road, London, N1 7GU I have fought her tooth and nail ever since I found about her 8 months ago. Be direct: "What have I done to make you treat me this way?" Your continuing negativity will force your son to decide between you and her. And he replied, that's okay Mom since u like her (the girl) anyway! She has refused to accept my apology even my husband has now apologised, she told my husband that she wants nothing to do with any of his family and he will never see any of his grandchildren. soin palliatif blainville; My sons girlfriend is always calling him names and is always angry. Once she wormed her way in, she stopped respecting my wishes and started rebelling as well (probably my son's influence). She did not clean unless told (I say told because she never offered) and she did not cook (she said no one taught her) and so I tried. He'd call in for a meal occasionally. Son's Girlfriend: The Big Mistake You Need to Avoid. When the opportunity arose, we did mention that it might be a good idea to look into their future together to see what type of mother and wife she would make because he would have to fill in for any of her deficits there. It is too much to even write. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on June 05, 2012: Why don't they like her? Many things are said that night including how the mother feels the kids should be able to make their own decisions and how her and her husband met in high school and are still together. Talk to him one-on-one. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on January 13, 2013: For those struggling with difficult son's girlfriend issues, please read about a very helpful dream in which a mother was given remarkable advice to follow. www.mumsnet.com She's nice before and always greet and smile to me whenever we meet. If she comes with serious emotional baggage, including mental or physical illness or addictions and he loves her enough to take her as is, you need to step aside and allow him to walk the life path he chooses. Published Jun 16, 2015. Sincerely warm and pleasant. my sons girlfriend doesn t like me - curiosbettysa.com How can a man, my son, allow someone to treat me as such and why is it acceptable to him? First, examine your own ways. He will resent your trying to break them up so don't. Her clothing, car, finances, education, family background, and hobbies are compatibility matters for your son to think about. But as long as he is aware of what could be around the corner in a bad relationship, you must back off, let him make his mistakes, and let him find his joy. Not sure if I will do it, but it sounds good. I'm afraid we have failed miserably with my son's recent girlfriend. Once your son is older, you can only nurture him gently with love and support. A wiser young man would let her go and revisit that relationship if and when she became a better version of herself. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on March 13, 2018: To Gigi: You've already done something that I wouldn't have done. She lied about being pregnant last year, she has cheated on him and he still chooses her. Sometimes, a young kid/man chooses only to see the good parts of a girl, totally ignoring the obvious red flags for a variety of reasons. Before you act on any of this, I suggest you speak with a family court representative or attorney to see what your rights, as a grandparent, are. So my question is, what should I do? does gopuff accept ebt cards. We need to question why this girl attracts him. Non-critical. We feel so sorry for him as it is obvious at times he feels so pulled from pillar to post. Obviously, we must have a very different circle of friends, coworkers and relatives. We had a great few days together but she stayed well away, pretended she was working but our son looked unhappy so his father asked him if he was happy, his siblings have always had a solid relationship and they heard him on the phone to him, her tone was very sharp towards him. Kimberly! This is his first true long term sexual relationship at 19 years, so obviously this is having an affect on him. It seems that you have raised a young man who is independent, open-minded, tolerant . I suggested prosponing renting out his flat go back and see how things go. My son is my only child and he is a hard working young man and all she is doing is wasting his money and using him to look after her kids that belongs to two different men! My girlfriend (20F) doesn't like me(20M) taking her pictures. I can't help but think that your son isn't capable of making sound decisions for himself let alone his son. Anyway, my heart goes out to each of you for what you are going through. I once had a dream that my family was outdoors in the backyard, enjoying our sweet kitties. He saw that her depression, dark attitude, and erratic behavior would not be good for children and that his life would be forever difficult. I don't want to talk to my son. Same for the drugs and drinking as they are underage and you could be in big trouble for allowing it in your house. If you continue to "keep away" from them, they will blame her for that so try not to stay away. Thank you, Lori. That is no small thing and in fact, can still save him. We will love you always. My son is 16 and his girlfriend is 17. This is my first post and I'm really hoping for some advice. There is so much more to this, but all I can tell you is that I think he has truly been brainwashed! It is heartbreaking. My son had 2 vehicles at the time and didn't need another one. You kicked him out. His first love. He has never been pressured to study anything he does not want to - made his own choices & is supported in his hobbies & passions; which she is not really supporting as they take time from her. Good luck. We moved to a different town to be closer to aging parents, and he continued to drive an hour and a half every day to see her (he would go after/before his job). We just want him to have a healthy relationship that does include friends and other people rather than so wrapped up around this family with no responsibilities and can come and go as he pleases at their house. I will be praying for you! Now I never see him or talk to him. 7. His girlfriend couldn't choose between them. I could immediately tell from the type of pictures she had on her social media accounts and the tings that she would say that she was not someone I wanted for my son. However, after the girlfriend left her messages on the grandmother's phone, she learned that the mother of her grandchild "hates" her. My son told me a thing or two and informed me that he was going with her. He told her and then called me later to tell me that she was highly offended and never wanted me to do their laundry again and that all of that clothing belonged to her son. She sent me a horrible message asking me why I am doing this and it's not fair. She has placed a huge wedge between us. Plus she nevers smiles. That bugs me toooooo death !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1. Don't give up. Fifteen years from now, she'll be on oxygen and in a wheel chair. Then, we told him that we loved him and if he was sure, we would back him up and love his wife, too, but before he made that choice, we begged him to listen to what we had to say. Your email address will not be published. Now, my son has always been at the top of his class. This can be more difficult for the parent than it is for the child, but here are some ways to make it easier for everyone. But you'll be the one who has to live with your choice for the rest of your life. You can tell him why you're upset but repeat that you love him and regret driving him out, that it was the biggest mistake of your life because he is the love of your life. I have proof that this girl was a stripper and a prostitute! Because it isn't always breaking up with a horrible person or when there isn't any love left. If you're feeling distant from your child, Coleman suggests proactively tackling the issue in a conversation. Often, controlling people fear losing power and a need to influence the world . Always have an open door to your home and heart. From then on, be kind and open-hearted towards her and her parents. Is is possible to have a frank talk with him--no judgment, criticism or forcing of opinion--just to express how you'd like to get to know her? Needless to say, it infuriated me!! He graduated debt free, gave him a car and paid for expenses that related to his career. Do not be that bump! Her cooking did not last. Cus he loves her duhhh!! They are OPPORTUNISTS. Do you have a recipe we could all cook together? Do not address the negative comments that she is making to others or she will have to defend herself and she'll get resentful towards your fianc. But he might have to see that "her love" isn't so healthy--or true. Meanwhile, let him know you're his forever family. Luckily she moved in with a mutual friend and the younger child. Hi Lori. We didn't feel like celebrating. It takes courage and strength to do the right thing by breaking up now. You know relationships have bumps in the road. But both she and your son need help and together, the results of their relationship have gotten them cutting, threatening suicide, and landing in detention. My son's girlfriend doesn't like me and has banned me from visiting the Help! What kind of life is that? If they are meant to be together, there is nothing you can do about it. You've set down solid foundations for him, and he is branching out and experimenting with his freedom. There is only one real red flag to be concerned about: violence. If there is only one person he can trust in this world, it is his mother. The only thing that saved him is that the kids were in another state. He always say "no or I don't have girlfriend" whenever I ask him questions like that. To do it for her would only weaken her and it would only be temporary. Here, I highlight the most common problems faced by teenagers today. The second court notice (this time with a mediator). My son is mixed up with a true bitch! These people love him because he gives them everything they want. losing a job is really hard and can get you down. Bryanne Salazar. My son's girlfriend doesn't like me and has banned me from visiting the house, I am not allowed to attend family birthdays or other events like Christmas, Easter etc. I didn't critize her when she relayed through my son, how mean it was of me to overlook doing something for her to celebrate her first mother's day. Not putting her down at all, but expressing that she just wasn't going to be the one to make him happy. The final nail in that relationship was ahe cheated on him with his best friend! HOWEVER, you can tell your son that if the child's school gets involved, he and his girlfriend will be reported for neglect and this can cause him to lose custody of his child. WOW! Why would my son stay with a girl that threatened to beat my butt and call me horrible names? My son is an adult. It sounds as though she has problems and your son might have his own self-esteem issues so that he feels better than she is, that he doesn't deserve better or that he can help/save her. Were you too harsh? My son's girlf friend will sleep over in his room. She is very controlling and walks around like she is better than us or above us. He came back after a year, when I contacted him, told him we all loved him, missed him dearly and we enjoyed the next 18 months together as a family. I have tried everything possible to promote my son and help me succeed professionally. A son is a son until he takes a wife is an apt saying. I asked my son again, if she is his girlfriend, and said, no! So the gift and dinner out with my mom and that I had planned were canceled. THIS GIRL IS TRULY A BAD INFLUENCE.SHE CONSTANTLY DRINKS, SHE HAS TWO CHILDREN THAT SHE DOES NOT CARE FOR. Feel free to email me anytime to discuss. My son met "Scarlet" (this is not her real name) about two and half years ago on line - Xbox. Sometimes, mothers assume their children know they are loved but it is important to express it in words as well as actions. You have time on your side. A monkey with a banana ran up and grabbed one of my kitties, slung him under its arm and ran away. We then see pics of he and his girlfriend hanging out at the park, or movies, or with her family (taken on the same day as the one we tried to get together). Your son must be a person who sees the good in all people and who tries to fix them. 3 Steps To Getting Teens On Board With Your Significant Other: 1. Remember, if you read my above comments, you'll understand what I mean when I say, "Call to the kitten." My son's girlfriend doesn't like me and has banned me from visiting the Three years ago she and our son told us (not asked us) that they were getting married, apparently because her parents were moving out of state. What would you suggest at this point? The demands are never for us except when his dad needed help lifting things for the house move. They come in and the girlfriend holds up a pregnancy test. I am crying because I was hurt of what he did! Here is my advice: For the time being, don't fight against this girl or this relationship. Have they always treated you this way? Other obvious signs that should prompt you to take action on this matter are: Also, parents need to understand why their sons commit to any manipulative relationship before taking any action. Im struggling and I can't sleep well at night. Sadly, especially sons, they do break away at some point. Divorces and break-ups happen all the time. Just emotionless responses or civil remarks. Please give me an advise. Thank you! They have been together for1 year. He sold the Camaro he had(that he owed money to his older brother for and used what he got for it to put more towards the new 2016 car he purchased for his girlfriends parents). Then, if and when problems in their relationship arise, he'll be able to turn to you for solace and guidance. So I let him waddle in the mess he made for about 6 months - until one day I just decided that I didn't want him to suffer. To pat -- Its YOUR house, you lovingly but firmly must set the rules. And that he will find it in his heart to forgive you for any mistakes you made as a mother because you only intended to raise him well. Tiredofthinkingmom on September 05, 2017: Lou--- yes sir we are living that now good God she may be the twin of our sons gf! How long do these things last? 2. I'll love you no matter what." I kept staring at her face and was turned off. Plus, she is the mother of your one-year-old. ParentalQuestions.com 2021 All rights reserved. She's shy and has said she doesn't like how she looks, she doesn't like taking pictures is what she said. It honestly sounds as if neither your son or his girlfriend are fit parents. She is foul mouthed and I mean drops the f-bomb like its candy even in from of us. He wants to be her champion. Come to find out, she worked at a cookie shop in the mall with my son's ex-girlfriend (who was very nice and we loved very much) .long story short - she began instigating throughout their break-up and laying it on really thick. So When my niece told me that, I asked him if the girl came to the house.. but he denied it! I am up in arms as to why my son does not see these things, he has dated other girls in the past without no problems like this, they were nice girls and acted like ladies..I'm confused, my guts are telling me just give him time. It seems that the more I took his side or stood up for myself, I was no longer useful to either one. 10 Things Your Son's Girlfriend Wants You To Know - Woman's Day She is an only child and she also works at the same place of employment as our son. We did this due to her poor attitude and disrespect towards me and my fiance. My son has turned all care of my grandson over to her and she is neglecting him horribly. The woman has started expressing dislike for my three year old grandson. If he were going to give his own son advice if he were going to marry a woman like his fianc, what would he say to his son? I asked him 3 times and said no! I haven't said anything cos I don't want to hurt my son and put him in the middle of something that he is not responsible for. Her views on sensitive or controversial topics such as religion or politics. I even cook or order pizza for them when they like to watch movies or karaoke. And he'll be taking care of her. After a week I went to meet him for lunch and found out that he was living in his car! Some first loves are destined to be "the one" while others eventually dissolve as each person involved matures. Thanks very much! When you consistently cook and clean for him, even if he didn't ask you to, he gets accustomed to full-on mom treatment. Last night, my son invited his father and I to their wedding! original sound - Ryan The Lion. He sees your disapproval as criticism of his life choice. Girlfriends come and go. In the beginning sge was living by those two rules. What are their reasons? I don't know if you read about my dream but the best thing you can do is to remind your son always about your love for him and that is a love that will never end or change. Don't nag him about college or breaking up with her. Talking to your son about sex is scary enough but talking to him about what and when it is okay to touch someone and when it's not can be even harder. Everyone has value. Please let me know where you got your design. Therefore, she is the one with the greatest leverage to make something happen. When is your birthday? Did you criticize them a lot? They don't want to look after their kids so why in the hell do they expect my son to look after them. My Son's Girlfriend Is Manipulative - 3 Ways To Cope - Parental Questions About 11:45 that evening , there is a knock at the door and girlfirend is standing there crying histerically with her mother. Never put her on the spot, especially when other family members are present. His roles and self-perceptions have changed. Physical abuse and aggressive language are obvious signs parents should notice instantly. "Are you angry with us? She didn't say anything at the time. But there is hope. Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? Be honest and help him connect the dots between his relationship and the manipulative behaviour. They will become co-dependent. A 16-year-old girl with those types of problems most likely has moved on to another guy while your son is in detention center. Now they want to get MARRIED!!!!! My son began dating this girl when he was 17. My son is now with an old woman, closer to my age than his. Son's Girlfriend: The Big Mistake You Need to Avoid - Grown and Flown I treated her like a daughter (I don't have a daughter). But this is not just a girlfriend. Thanks for the most valuable advice. "One reason why I fell in love with her is because she is a lot like you in that she is very caring and kind." Two days later, the mom calls to ask me to go to lunch "since the kidss are going to be together". But shrug your shoulders and say, "It's your life. It sounds as though you've built your relationship on very solid foundational reasons for liking your girlfriend: she has amazing traits (kindness, humility) and she loves your children like her own. I said u better be honest to me, and he was firm that he said no! It's been a year now that I noticed this one girl, I think she's 15 or 16 yrs old, always come to our house to pet my dog.